


Cut the Shit

by Cruisinwritealong



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Adult relationship, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Muggle, Banter, Blow Jobs, Boyfriends, Cuddles, Domestic Bliss, Established Relationship, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Hair Playing, Hair Pulling, Living Together, M/M, Oneshot, Ponytail, Sex, Sixty-nine, Smut, Tickling, hair cutting, head messages, smut with feelings, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-17
Updated: 2020-08-17
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:14:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,385
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25958866
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cruisinwritealong/pseuds/Cruisinwritealong
Summary: “Let me cut it, Rem.” Sirius continues to massage and run his fingers through Remus’ overgrown hair. “I’ll be so careful. I promise.”What could go wrong? ...or very, very right.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 22
Kudos: 226





	Cut the Shit

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much to @pixelated and @kattlupin for the beta!! I appreciate you both so much.

Sirius sighs in contentment as he lays his head on Remus’ lap and swings his socked feet up onto the other end of the sofa. Remus just lifts his book to accommodate, very used to this nightly routine. He tips his mug back to drain the remaining tea, sets it gently on the end table, and sinks his fingers into the thick black hair splayed out on his thighs. 

“Your hair is getting long again,” Remus comments without taking his eyes off of his book, rubbing gentle circles into Sirius’ scalp.

“Mmm, it's all the scalp massages after dinner.”

“Well, it's the least I can do since you do the dishes.”

“We’re domestic as fuck, Moony.”

Remus chuckles and turns the page in his book. _“Fffff.”_

Sirius opens his eyes at the strange noise and watches Remus’ futile attempt to blow his hair out of his own eyes. He’s about to comment but Remus begins scratching his scalp again and his eyes close on their own. 

There’s a few moments of bliss and then _“Ffff,”_ followed shortly by another, _“Fffft!”_

“Remus?”

“What? _Fffff_.” Remus agitatedly shakes his head, trying to swing his curls to one side.

“Why don’t you—”

_“FFFF!”_

Sirius laughs and Remus stops the scalp massage, lifting his hands and swatting at his own hair trying to shove his curls into submission.

“Baby, let me—” Sirius reaches out but Remus moves back and flicks his head, trying to swing his hair any way he can.

 _“Fffft! Ffff!”_ Remus’ curls flop right back into his eyes, and he gives up with a huff, sinking into the back of the sofa into one giant puddle of pouting. 

Sirius finds this absolutely hilarious, cackling and wiping the tears from his eyes. Remus shoves him off of the sofa with a great big _thunk_ on the floor. Sirius is still laughing as he picks himself back up.

_“FFFF!”_

“Moony.”

“Shut up. _Fffff. Fffff!_ ”

“Remus,” he says, still chuckling and watching fondly. 

“Listen, first of all, don’t talk to me with your stupid, perfect sex-hair no matter what you do self. We can’t all be hair commercial perfect all the time, asshole.”

“What? Babes, come on...” Sirius reaches towards Remus’ hair again, but Remus bats his hand away. 

“No, it’s rude, is what it is. Just flipping it around, running your fingers through it all the time. Fucking snapbacks and shit. You know how hot that is? Do you have any idea?”

Sirius can only laugh as his boyfriend continues to pout. “You’re mad at me for...being hot?”

 _“_ Yes... No! _Ffffff!”_ Remus shoves his fingers into his curls and pulls, but this only causes them to poof out even more. “Ugh! I swear I’m about to— _Fffff!_ Shave my damn head.”

At this, Sirius freezes and all laughter abruptly halts. “What? Nooo! No, Remus. Don’t even joke like that.” He grabs Remus’ wrists, gently stopping him.

“What are you talking about, you lunatic.”

Sirius whispers reverently, “Curls, Remus. _Curls_.” 

Remus rolls his eyes, “You mean this chaos sticking up in all directions? This poof on my head?”

“Blasphemy. I will not hear this kind of talk in my house.”

“ _FFFF!_ Ok, I can’t take this. I can’t even see my damn book.”

Sirius slowly slides his hair tie off of his wrist and lifts it up to Remus as a wolfish grin spreads across his handsome face.

“Absolutely not.”

“Come on! One ponytail Remus!”

“No, go away. Stop smiling like that.”

Sirius pulls out the big guns. He drops his chin, sticks out his bottom lip, and blinks his puppy dog eyes at Remus. It’s his ace up his sleeve and kryptonite to Remus’ resolve.

“Pwease my Moonbeam. Just one… for meee?”

“Goddamn it.” Remus huffs and shoves his bookmark into his page. He shifts so Sirius can reach his hair easier.

“YES!” Sirius leaps off the couch and then kneels behind Remus. He sinks his fingers into Remus honey-brown curls. They are luxurious and so soft. Sirius can’t help himself—he begins to scratch and massage Remus’ scalp the same way he was receiving a few minutes ago.

“Ok… that… that actually feels really damn good.”

“I know right?”

“You’ve been plopping your head in my lap since we were 15, Padfoot. You owe me like, _mmm that’s a good spot,_ like a million scalp massages.”

“You know… I could cut it for you.”

Sirius has offered this about a hundred times over the years. Remus always waves him off, and Sirius has to practically kidnap him and force him to make time for himself.

“Let me cut it, Rem.” Sirius continues to massage and run his fingers through Remus’ overgrown hair. “I’ll be so careful. I promise.”

Remus’ neck has grown floppy and it bends and tips with Sirius’ movements. 

“Will you… keep doing this… if my hair is short?”

“Try and stop me. I fucking love your hair, Remus.”

“Just… just not too short, ok?”

“Wait! I forgot the ponytail!” Sirius laughs and begins gathering Remus’ hair up at the top of his head.

Remus rolls his eyes but smiles. “I thought I had you sufficiently distracted.”

“Not this time! Turn around, let’s see.”

Remus slowly turns, and he tries, he really tries to keep a smile off his face, but the sight of Sirius cracks him up. Sirius’ eyes light up, his mouth falls open and then a wide smile overtakes him.

“You look so hot, Baby! Oh my god! Go! Go look in the mirror!” Sirius grabs Remus’ shoulders and turns him to walk to their bathroom.

Remus looks for a moment without expression. He cautiously turns his head from one side to the other. He reaches up and runs his hand down his small ponytail. 

“Huh.”

“ _Huh._ That’s all you have to say!? You are fucking gorgeous Remus Lupin.”

Remus looks to Sirius’ reflection, then down, and a blush creeps over his cheeks. 

Sirius pulls gently at the little ponytail, then leans in and begins kissing along Remus’ neck. Remus’ eyes close on their own and his head tilts without conscious thought. Their arms tangle together around Remus’ stomach and he sighs, leaning back into Sirius’ chest, quiet and savoring the moment. 

“So, haircut or ponytail?” Remus says quietly.

“Fuck, I don’t know. Can I just keep kissing you until I decide?” Sirius kisses along his neck and back down along his shoulder blades.

Remus gives a breathy laugh and reaches up to Sirius’ scalp, gently pulling at Sirius’ long hair. He’s rewarded with a pleased sound from deep in Sirius’ throat.

“ _Mmm_ —Oh! Hey,” Sirius stands up straight again, talking to Remus in the mirror. “Nice try, but I see what you’re trying to do, sneaky pants. No distracting me! Haircut time!”

Remus’ arm drops, “No ponytail then?”

“If I thought for a second you’d actually wear a ponytail then I might change my mind.”

“I might!”

Sirius lifts a skeptical eyebrow.

“Ok fine! Haircut... Just please—”

“Remus. I got this!” Sirius turns and walks out the bathroom with Remus following him.

“You haven’t cut hair since college.”

“It’s like riding a bike, I promise! Don’t give me that look!” Sirius laughs.

He digs out a small, dusty box from their closet that’s filled with his old barber supplies. Sirius stumbled on his knack for cutting and styling hair in his attempts to help his brother James tame his chaotic locks. He cut most of his friends’ hair for fun for a few years during university, but when they graduated and their careers took off, he let the hobby go.

Sirius plonks a stool down in the center of their small kitchen and Remus sits. There’s a _woosh_ as the big, black cape is swung through the air and draped around Remus and snapping as Sirius closes it around the base of his neck.

“I can’t believe you still have all this stuff.”

“Yeah, well, you never know when you might need a curl-tamer again.”

“I thought you liked my curls.”

Sirius freezes. “Remus. I do not simply _like_ your curls. I do not only _love_ your curls. I _worship_ your curls, alright? The only thing motivating me to cut them is you being happier and them growing back.”

“It’s just hair,” Remus says softly looking down into his lap. “Don’t make such a fuss.”

Sirius swings his leg over Remus’ knees and sits carefully in his lap effectively pinning him there. He gets very close to Remus and looks him dead in the eyes, “Don’t tell me what to do,” he says playfully with a peck. When he gets a huffy laugh an eyebrow raise from Remus he begins running his fingers through his long waves, fluffing it even more, twirling it around his fingers a bit.

"Curly Curl Curls. We love the curls."

Remus watches his boyfriend fondly. He can't help but chuckle and shake his head at Sirius' antics. “Just cut the shit, will you?”

Sirius barks a laugh, “A fine play on words there, professor.”

“Cut or let me up.”

“Yes sir,” Sirius pecks his lips, then stands and walks behind him again.

“So. How short do you want me to go, love?”

“Um, I don’t know. You’re the one who has to look at me,” he says with a shrug.

“Correction. I’m the one who gets the privilege of seeing you.” 

“Tomato. Potato.”

“That’s not the saying, love,” Sirius says fondly as he begins combing Remus' hair, parting it different ways, playing around to find inspiration.

“Just shave it. Don’t care. Scalp massage is _mmm_ sedating my brain. I forgot how much I love you brushing out my hair.”

Sirius doesn’t respond. He gently uses his fingertips to straighten Remus’ posture and then he begins sectioning off the top poof of curls from the side. Remus is content to sit and let Sirius play with his hair for the rest of the evening.

When he’s finally satisfied with the line of demarcation, Sirius stops combing. Remus whines and turns around in playful protest.

Sirius chuckles and holds up the clippers, “I’m going to start cutting now.”

“Fiiiine.” Remus says as he turns backs around and adjusts to sit up straight.

The buzzing noise of the clippers fills up the room and Sirius makes quick work of the sides, combing and sectioning his way around until Remus’ wonderful giggle bursts out. He leans away from the clippers and rubs the side of his neck and his ear. Remus shivers and glares at the clippers. He lifts his index finger and pushes the clippers away with disgust on his face. Sirius cracks up.

“Stop… stop laughing at me. That _thing_ tickles!”

“I can’t help it! Stop being so fucking charming and maybe I’ll be able to focus!”

“Oh god, please focus. I do not want a giant bald spot on my head.” Remus lifts his hand and runs his fingers through his hair, reassuring himself that it's still there. Sirius takes his hand and kisses the back, before gently guiding in back down. 

“You will be the most handsome wrinkly old man. I can’t wait!” Sirius talks loudly over the buzzing.

“You can’t wait until we’re old?”

“Silver foxes, Remus! Plus that means we’ve lived a glorious and long life loving the shit out of each other. Just think… Oh and someday Harry will be grown, maybe have his own family. That’s a bit crazy to think about, huh?”

“I love that, Padfoot. And I love how you go from certifiably ridiculous to insanely wonderful in a single thought train. How do you do that?”

“It’s a gift,” he says proudly. 

“ _You’re_ a gift.”

Sirius cuts the clippers off. “Remus Lupin, you are distracting me again and I’ve only cut half way around your head, but if you think that will stop me from making out with you in this kitchen, you are very, very wrong.” 

Remus shakes his hand free from under the cape, twists to find Sirius’ wrist, and pulls him down to kiss his mouth. When they part, Remus slowly blinks at his love who returns a soft little smile and another peck. He shifts back around to get comfortable facing forward, tucking his arm back under the cape, and the buzzing resumes. So does Remus’ occasional giggle and shiver. It makes Sirius seriously consider becoming Remus’ permanent barber.

When the buzzing abruptly stops, Remus sits still and quiet, until a sudden mist fills the air, raining down on his head. Remus closes his eyes and frowns.

“Ugh. That’s cold.”

“Grumpy.”

“Am not.”

“Are too.”

“No I’m not— AH!”

Remus coughs a few times, then stands up and turns to Sirius. The cape hangs around him so he looks armless, but Sirius can tell they are folded across his chest. “ _That_ was in my mouth!”

With a cheeky grin, Sirius holds his hands up, squirt bottle dangling from his right. “Sorry, sorry,” he stifles a laugh, “Truce?”

An unamused, but definitely amused Remus sits back down in his chair with a long-suffering sigh that Sirius has lived for since they were twelve years old. He begins combing through Remus’ now damp hair. It is undeniably relaxing and soon Remus is swaying with the pull of the comb.

“You have to stay upright, Moony. Please don't fall asleep on me.”

“S’fine. Just keep doing that.”

“Should I get the squirt bottle again? Wake you up so you don’t fall over?”

“No wonder you like head scratches so much. I thought you just wanted your face by my dick.”

“Oh it's both. Definitely a win-win,” he chuckles as he combs.

They fall into a comfortable silence and soon there’s only the sporadic _snip_ _snip_ of the sheers punctuating the quiet.

_Snip_

_Comb_

_Snip Snip_

“Whoops!”

“Whoops?? What do you mean _whoops?!”_ Remus shoots his hands up to his hair, patting all around. “What did you do?!”

“Now you’re awake!” Sirius laughs.

“ _Ooo_ you’re such a shit.”

“You love me,” Sirius says in a sing-song voice as he combs.

_Snip._

_Comb_

_Snip. Snip._

_Snip._

He moves around as he needs to, working the angles and the hair. When he steps in front of Remus to work above his forehead, Remus is struck by the intensity in his eyes. Sirius is honed in on his design now, all concentration and focus. He’s absorbed in his task, very much in his zone. Remus has seen this look many times when Sirius draws or paints, but knowing that he’s the one receiving Sirius’ undivided attention causes heat to run up the back of his neck. 

Suddenly Remus’ mind flashes to other times he’s received Sirius’ undivided attention, and he wants nothing more than to be in their room, in their sheets. A familiar and undeniable feeling stirs and pulls low in his belly. 

Sirius runs his fingers along his temple, innocently checking his cuts by pulling out the sides. The pull goes straight to Remus’ groin. He clears his throat.

Sirius bends in front of him, staring hard and fixed on what he’s doing. It’s so intense, Remus’ mouth parts and he licks his lips. His eyes devour Sirius’ jawline, his stubble, his rosy pouty lips, the arch of his cheekbones, the flutter of the long lashes when he blinks…Remus is transfixed. His boyfriend is breathtaking. 

Sirius comes closer to Remus’ face, bites his bottom lip as he pulls both sides of Remus’ hair to check the even-ness again. Sirius pulls again and it drags a moan from Remus that he didn’t know was there. Sirius freezes and his eyes dart to meet Remus’.

Sirius raises an eyebrow, “You’re breathing kinda hard there.” His eyes move around as they take in Remus dilated eyes, rosy cheeks, and wet lips. 

“It's your fault. You’re too fucking hot, all intense and—” Remus licks his lips subconsciously, “ _—staring_ like that.” Remus pulls his arm from the cape, reaching up to run his index finger along the beautiful flush that is blooming in Sirius’ cheek.

Sirius swallows hard. “I’m almost done. I’m almost done with this,” he points to Remus’ hair, “and then we finish _this_ ,” his finger slowly drags back and forth between the two of them.

Remus runs his finger along Sirius’ lower lip, “Good.”

“Good.”

“Cut.” 

Sirius blinks, “Right.” He stands and walks back behind Remus.

A few more strategic snips and some checking and then Sirius is finished. He gently brushes the hair from Remus’ shoulders and neck, then he blows around Remus’ ear to get the fine hairs that are stuck there. Remus shivers, but this time it definitely does not tickle.

Sirius all but rips the cape off his neck while Remus stands and turns. They are kissing before he’s all the way up. Both sets of hands reach to find hair, carding their fingers through to gently tug the way they both like.

In between kisses Remus sneaks in words, “How’s…how’s it look?”

“So good _mmm..._ so good… I’m a genius.”

Remus’ laughs overtake the kissing. He playfully shoves at Sirius’ shoulders. “Let’s go to our room, your humble-ness.”

They make it to the hallway but then Remus is spun and pinned to the wall. Sirius is everywhere in the best way. His hands push under Remus’ t-shirt, run up along the bumps of his ribs and across his chest. Abruptly, he tugs the material up and over Remus’ head, then dives to kiss along Remus’ neck and collarbones. Remus returns the fervor, unceremoniously removing Sirius’ shirt and working quickly on his belt, button, and zipper.

“Bed—bedroom.”

“Mhm, yeah. Yes.”

They stumble through the door and fall together onto the bed, a tangle of arms and legs and tongues. Sirius pulls down the waistband of Remus’ pajama pants as he lifts his hips and helps to push them down and off his legs. Sirius rolls on his back and yanks off his own clothes completely. They collide again, only skin now, warm and wanting.

“What do you want, love,” Remus catches his breath, smoothing Sirius’ hair away from his face. “Anything, what do you want?”

“You. I just, fuck, I love you Remus.”

“I want to keep my hands in your hair.”

“Same. Same. Let’s—”

“Yeah. Swing around.”

“Shit. You’re brilliant.”

Remus laughs as he rolls to his side and Sirius flips around so they are both mouth to very eager cock in a 69.

“ _Fuck_ Sirius,” Remus says in a forced out breath as he feels Sirius’ tongue begin to swirl around his head and wet along his length. Remus eagerly dives in to do the same.

They both begin to bob in their own ways and rhythm. Their hands sink into each other’s hair, raking and pulling, drawing out lovely erotic sounds and moans of pleasure.

“ _Fuck_ your mouth… _nnngh god_ yes, like that. _Shit_ Remus.”

Remus answers with his mouth full, a sound half in appreciation of Sirius’ words and half in protest that Sirius stopped, if only for a moment to speak.

The moans grow louder and the sounds sloppier as they both chase their climaxes. 

“Fuck Remus… Remus, I’m-”

Remus draws in a deep breath and plunges as far down as he can go. It rips a cry from Sirius, who grabs Remus’ hair tightly and pulses down Remus’ throat. Remus massages his balls and swallows around him until he’s done. 

Before Remus can catch his breath Sirius slides the tip of Remus’ cock into his mouth, sucking hard, and begins wanking him with quick strokes.

“Oh fucking hell! Oh shit… _shit_ … _Sirius… !!!!”_ Remus’ whole body draws tight and he moans through his release.

Sirius swallows and strokes him through it until Remus’ body finally relaxes, melting into a limp puddle next to him.

They both roll onto their backs, panting and trying to catch their breaths. Sirius’ large hand rests across Remus' hip and Remus runs his own hand along Sirius’ muscular thigh.

Eventually they flip around to curl up together on their pillows face to face with fingers tangling in between them.

“That was, _by far_ , the best haircut I’ve ever had.” Remus smiles.

Sirius laughs, “Told you. Like riding a bike.” He reaches out to run his fingers through Remus’ significantly shorter hair, “We’ve upgraded your haircuts.”

“Well then, I only wish my hair grew faster.” 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Please leave me a comment, I would love to know your thoughts.
> 
> I'm on tumblr @cruisinwritealong Let's be friends :)


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